I think everything’s really screwed. The past few days have been terrible. I’ve been arguing with mum and dad over every small thing. and now we’re not talking. it’s been 2 days already ok. this is really bad. i asked God why but nobody seems to be listening. i dont know maybe it’s Spiritual Warfare or something, which is actually very scary. Idk. Please God, help me.

And math and chinese. i just cannot do those subjects. why. i cannot write gong han to save my life, because everything i write sounds so simplistic and english-y. i flunked my practice in class. i just dont get people like ____ and ____, where chinese is like second nature or something to them. they’ll probably go for chinese ra man. i bet im not even good enough for any ra. but then again i may not even take up the offer if im offered it in the first place. what with pb and syf and concert and trip humans im gonna be really busy.

but on to more urgent issues. i lost my chinese pt book. the one with EVERYTHING we need to know. imma gonna die. i dont know a single thing about ANY of the topics and chinese pt is next week already. ok im Freaking Out now. this is bad! ok i should borrow someone’s. or go online and search. i really dont want to fail! i always leave stuff so last minute ok. why. its such a bad habit i really need to break. especially when studying for subjects i suck at. so i’ve got to do something about chinese soon. and math. im scared of failing math for my overall year. its already t3 week6 EOYs will be here in no time. I don’t want to fail math, i really dont. but i just cant seem to do it. maybe im not putting my heart into it, but sometimes i just dont see the concepts and stuff. especially for things like indices. im scared for next year. sec 3 math is double weightage. means if i get a stupid 2.8 or 3.2 my gpa will die. but i shall learn to not look at grades so much. and console myself with dresses and songs and paintbrushes and cookies. i dont think im getting very coherent. i think im just freaking out about math and chinese. i havent felt at rest about my studies for a long, long time. which is a bad sign.

but most of all Lord, help me to be rested in You, because worrying wont help my situation. I really need Your help to be diligent in revising my work and getting my act together. I need to put in effort too, if not just depending on You won’t save me. i realise, sadly, that im very unv\motivated and somewhat lazy when it comes to subjs i dont like. please help that change, Lord. i need to stop crapping and start working.

I’m trusting You God. but i know You’ll love me no matter what, so thank You. i love You too.